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Everyone has heard about conspiracy theories including ones that say Elvis Presley is alive and spends his days playing music with his son-in-law Michael Jackson; Hitler fled to the moon after World War II; and your television has a spy camera that provides others with footage of your living room adventures.

A theory as defined in the Oxford Dictionary is “an idea used to account for a situation or justify a course of action.” That means it is acceptable for me to consider my views as the Linda Theory. Yippee! 

This week was a sure winner as I read on www.livescience.com that Mars may once have been covered by a vast ocean. “There’s a hole in the Martian atmosphere that opens once every two years, venting the planet’s limited water supply into space,” the article stated.

Linda Logic says this is the reason we’ve had all this rain. We are being invaded by Martian water. 

I have a few thoughts on grocery and drug stores as well. We all know that they put the milk and prescriptions in the back so we will have to pass all the other items that dance and shout for us to buy them as we walk by. But, why is it that the extra-large size candy bars are always handy in the front of the stores tempting us to no end? And why do these businesses agree to accept a debit card for a single candy bar purchase? It’s a conspiracy.

Why does the phone always ring when one is in the bathroom? If you leave your TV on all the time, it is the spies have seen you go in there. But those spies are on the phone too, so don’t take it with you.

Why is there never gas in the car when one is running late? Check your odometer. Someone could be driving your vehicle at night. You know you didn’t leave it on empty. 

Why do people at work always have to talk about the last episode of your favorite TV show when you haven’t seen it yet? It is the Game of Thrones theory.

I know there is a theory about this show because I read about it in The New York Times. “Fans don’t just watch the show, they theorize. About everything. About prophecies or would-be prophecies from even the most minor characters. About plot lines and details from the books that aren’t even hinted at on the show,” the Times says.

Is that not what goes on in our minds about everything?

There is also the Keys Theory, which falls under Linda Logic. Why is there always a piece of paper, an envelope, a coat, a box of cereal, or something else on top of my keys when I am trying to find them so I can go somewhere? This usually happens when it is somewhere I am looking forward to going.

My favorite conspiracy is also known as the Moon Landing Hoax. According to www.nymag.com “Millions of Americans believe the moon landing was staged.” They think the shadows aren’t dark enough, there are no stars in the sky, the photos are too perfect, and that the ripple effect in the flag was off. Perhaps we really live in a fish tank-like bubble and satellites are not real. 

In a 1997 movie, “Conspiracy Theory,” starring Julia Roberts and Mel Gibson, a man obsessed with theories has to figure out which one is true so he can save his own life.

I looked at www.skeptic.com which described the conspiracy theory as “a proposed plot by powerful people or organizations working together in secret to accomplish some usually sinister goal” with “new layers of conspiracy being added to rationalize each new piece of disconfirming evidence.”

All it takes is a believer. Once you believe “one massive, sinister conspiracy could be successfully executed in near-perfect secrecy suggests that many such plots are possible.” 

Is there a grassy knoll in your neighborhood? I think the front yard qualifies. Yippee?